


i just want to start a flame in your heart

by thanks_for_the_existential_crisis



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora/Catra Angst (She-Ra), Angst and Feels, Catra (She-Ra) Leaves the Horde, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Catra Has Issues (She-Ra), Catra is traumatized and it shows, Childhood Trauma, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Unreliable Narrator, leaning towards happy, they both went through a lot, well the start of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis/pseuds/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis
Summary: ‘“All I have ever wanted was for you to see me for once in our miserable lives!” Catra is nearly screaming, getting louder and louder with every word but she can’t find it within herself to care, “I don’t care about your stupid sword. I don’t care about the horde. I don’t care about the rebellion. All I have ever cared about is you, Adora!”Adora is gaping and speechless and Catra suddenly decides that she might as well go all in. All her cards on the table. Maybe if she puts her heart out on her sleeve it will finally stop killing her from the inside out.’
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 140





	i just want to start a flame in your heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: profanity, mentions and allusions to childhood trauma
> 
> There’s a lot of angst before the happyish parts I’m not going to lie. Also I would like to formally apologize for all the italics in advance

Catra stood slightly hunched with her arms wrapped around herself, her eyes downcast and her ears flattened. 

“What do you _want_?! Why are you so intent on destroying everything?” 

Adora is so angry. Her fists are clenched and her breathing is heavy and she's just so _angry_. And Catra feels _empty_. 

“I-I don’t.” 

“You don’t what, Catra?” 

Adora is glaring and her arms are crossed and Catra is so, so tired. She’s just...exhausted. 

“I don’t want to destroy everything. I never _did_. Do you think I really want the world to burn? Of course not. But you would know that, wouldn’t you? If you had stayed. You didn’t. You left.” 

She barely notices as Adora bares her teeth in frustration, “You could have come. I asked you to come with me. I _begged_ you.” 

Catra blinks and gapes a little at Adora’s cluelessness. Does she actually believe that? She must. It's Adora, she’s always been a bit optimistically ridiculous. Well, she supposes it's about time they hash this out. So, she straightens her back and lifts her chin. If they’re going to do this, then Adora can look her in the eye at least. If they’re doing this then Catra will at least pretend at being equals _for once_ in their lives. 

“I could have come with you? I could have _come with you_?! You find a magic sword in the woods that turns you into a tall glowy lady and the next day I’m supposed to leave behind everything I’ve ever known? The only home I’ve ever had? Because you suddenly realized what I could have told you when we were _5_?” 

Adora shifts and her glare softens slightly into a frown, “Wha-“ 

“What was I supposed to _do_? Walk right into Brightmoon beside you and tell them all ‘Yeah, I know I’m a horde soldier and I’m not a magic sometimes princess to make up for that but I’m with her.’ Is that what I was supposed to do, Adora? Ride the coattails of the mighty She-Ra as she destroys the evil horde? Stand in your shadow like I have every day of our lives as your new best friends pretended to tolerate me just to _appease you_?” 

“I-“ 

Adora tries to speak, probably to defend herself based on the stiff set of her shoulders and furrow of her brow but Catra has been holding this all in for far too long. She can't stop now. If she stops she might never start again. 

“No. No, you probably didn’t even think that far ahead did you? You spent half a day with a few random strangers chasing a glowing, metal stick and decided that you _suddenly_ had moral standards. Get over yourself and face it, Adora. You left. You left the horde. You left our squad. And you left _me_. And I don’t have to forgive you for that because you think your reason was good enough. Sometimes I _hate you for it_.” 

Adora drops her arms and hunches her shoulders. There are tears in her eyes, “Catra...I don’t…” 

“No. You don’t. You don’t understand. You don’t know. You don't ever think. You’ve never had to. You’re Adora. Adora the favorite child. Adora the perfect soldier. Adora who has never done anything wrong. Adora who didn’t realize that the horde were the bad guys until someone ripped her eyes open and forced her to because you never bothered to on your own.” 

Catra watches the fight drain from Adora’s body. Maybe Scorpia is right about all of that communication nonsense because Catra already feels immensely better. 

“So, no. I never wanted the world to burn. Sometimes I wanted _you_ to burn. But. What does it matter?” Catra shrugs one shoulder and looks away, “You’ve never needed me around. Not really. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for you to leave.” 

“Easy? You think it was _easy_?” She’s shouting and the fury is back in the stiff set of her shoulders and furrowed brow, “You’re not the only one who had never had another home, Catra! The Horde was all I had ever known! I don’t even know where I _came from_. But what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to stand back and watch as innocent civilians were attacked? Their homes _destroyed_? Their _lives taken_? You might be fine with that but I’m _not_.” 

Catra doesn’t know what to say. How does she respond to that? Catra has been fighting desperately just to _survive_ every day of her life and she never expected Adora to know what that feels like but she still expected her to _realize_. How is Catra supposed to keep herself alive if she’s trying to keep everyone else alive too? Catra’s place in the Horde has been in jeopardy since the day she showed up. She had always known the only reason they kept her around was that Adora insisted. Shadow Weaver never missed an opportunity to remind her how easily she would be gotten rid of as soon as Adora got bored of her. It didn’t matter how useful she made herself. She was _unimportant_. She was _unwanted_. She didn’t have the luxury of fighting for anyone else because the moment she let her guard down she was _finished_. 

But Adora doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about the thoughts running through Catra’s mind because she just ploughs on, _like always_. 

“I didn’t know. And you’re right, I should have. If I had ever _listened_ to you. If I had ever actually looked at what was going on. I would have known. But I _do now_ and I can't ignore it. This is what I’m _meant to be doing_. I have to do this because _no one else can_. I’ve hated fighting you and our squad and our friends. It _hurts_ so much. But I don’t know what you _want me to do, Catra_.” 

Adora doesn’t know what she wants? She _doesn’t know_? Fine. Fine, if she doesn’t know after all these years. If she's the only person in the world who _hasn’t fucking noticed_. Then Catra will just tell her. 

“All I have ever wanted was for you to _see me_ for once in our miserable lives!” Catra is nearly screaming, getting louder and louder with every word but she can’t find it within herself to care, “I don’t _care_ about your stupid sword. I don’t _care_ about the horde. I _don’t care about the rebellion_. All I have ever cared about is _you_ , Adora!” 

Adora is gaping and speechless and Catra suddenly decides that she might as well go all in. All her cards on the table. Maybe if she puts her heart out on her sleeve it will finally stop killing her from the inside out. 

“I have _loved you_ since the day we met and you never even took a moment to _notice_ , Adora! This entire world could be destroyed and I _would not care_ so long as _you survived_!” Catra draws in a shaky breath and the next thing she says is barely a whisper, “I would have gladly _died for you_ if you had asked it of me and then you just...left. As if none of it mattered. As if _I_ didn’t matter.” 

“You. I. What?” 

Adora is fumbling over her words and her face is slack with shock and Catra snorts. 

“What? Don’t know what to say? I never expected you to feel the same way but I thought you must know. Everyone knows. It's the worst kept secret in the Horde. There’s a betting pool for fucks sake, Adora. But you never have been good at seeing things you don’t want to.” 

This seems to surprise her into action because Adora steps forward and gets that determined look on her face that Catra has always found charming. 

“Of course I feel the same way. How could I not? I never said anything because. Because I was scared. I was a coward, Catra. I was scared of rejection. I was scared of reciprocation. Even if I had told you and you had felt the same it wouldn’t have gone well. Not while Shadow Weaver had so much control over our lives. She would have hated it. Then she would have blamed you and punished you and _taken you away from me_. I couldn’t risk losing you and I know how that makes me sound because I did leave and maybe you’re right and it was too much to ask you to come with me but I _didn’t know what else to do_ ,” There are tears streaming down Adora’s face. Catra doesn’t think she has ever seen her look so devastated, “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Catra. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.” 

Adora apologizing sends Catra reeling. She hadn’t expected it when this started, she just had to say everything. To get the words out so they would stop tearing her apart every time she slowed down enough to think. But maybe...maybe they can both have what they want? Maybe she can take a risk on this rebellion business. Who knows, it might be great. It might be _happy_. 

“Okay. Okay, fine. If you can get the princess club on board, I’ll go. There’s nothing for me in the Horde anyways. Not if you aren’t there.” 

Catra watches the shock and confusion and exaltation cross Adora’s face and when that smile Catra has always adored shows up, the one reserved for when Catra does something Adora thinks is wonderful, she thinks that maybe this will work out. It won’t be perfect but it may be worth the trouble.

**Author's Note:**

> This one hurt to write a little bit but I loved it the entire time. It turned out better than I expected tbh 
> 
> Join me on tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stanningscorpiahours) :)


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